so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
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