Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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