Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
