at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dignity is for republicans.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
