he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
