Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
