so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
