my room smells like sperm. sweet.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
