I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
