Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
