i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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