what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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