there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
