she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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