i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
