we're chasing vodka with high fives
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
