none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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