Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
