Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i came on her dog
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
