bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
