OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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