we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just found puke in my bra..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
