White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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