.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
