Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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