You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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