I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
