im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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