he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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