Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
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he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
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In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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