oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
