In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
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