found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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