i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
