the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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