I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I love how my cats smell like pot.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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