mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just google imaged poop.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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