I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
True college students do jello shots in the library
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