i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
FUCK WHALES
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
