How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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