I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
