I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
