Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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