So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
