Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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