**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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