so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
