You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
