Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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