she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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