Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
