Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
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he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
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So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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