he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
