i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All I want is dick and wine.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
