Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
