Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
