Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
