i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
