I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
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