I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
