We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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