my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
