It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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