positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
