I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
