He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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