When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
