I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Let's paint friendship bongs
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
