he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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