started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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