We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
