I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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