My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
