i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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