We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
