even my farts smell like vagina
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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